I remmber when I got pragnant with my beautiful baby, Dania( shown in the pic!), my first reaction after that great news was, a sense of immense obligation. It was so intense that I literally started questioning myself. I used to think if I was capable enough to be a worthy mum, if I would be able to fulfill my duties as a mother; If I would be able to give my child all that she desrves from a mother. To me it was not mere giving birth to a child but a huge responsibility of delivering a healthy, happy and a pride of a human being to the world. I knew that I was chosen for the task and I had to prove myself to the honour. Dania is 39 months old now-bless her-and in these three years I have experienced a new, novel and by all means an awesome form of life with her. It is as challenging and testing as rewarding it is! Alongside, I have also learned some valuable lessons about motherhood. I may not be qualified enough to pass any verdict on this institute but I feel inclined and obliged to share what this wonderful journey of motherhood has taught me so far and how we, mums, can help make it better for us.
I am a housewife and have put my work life on hold( apart form some short-term voluntary work here and there) since I have got married and had my baby. After living a profound professional life for nearly a decade, it was a very different field of play for me. I must confess that I have been struggling with that twist of a role. Choosing to quit work and devote yoursel fully and completely to your home and family is a choice made in sublime faith and pure dedication.Perhaps, that’s where I have developed this empathy and understanding for my fellow home-bound mums. Where they take pride in being available to their children with all their resourceful presence, there they also feel bit undermined. Initially, I thought I was being too sensitive about myself and other women, probably, dont think like that. However, it wasn’t the case. More or less, almost all such women are susceptible to this situation. From my circle of friends to the ladies I have recently interacted in my Child-Care course classes have something to contribute to their state of being. They are happy with their role and doing their job sincerely and vigorously yet a part of their life needs continuous supply of assurance,re-assurance, healthy changes, active planning and self-grooming. It actually is imperative for their self-esteem, sanity and efficiency. I wouldn’t like to draw an argument between working mums and the homemakers or a debate on who’s having an upper hand on the other. My focus is to understand the life and life-style of home-bound mums and the ways they can take to make it more fruitful and enjoyable for themselves.
- Awareness and Understanding
Wherever and however it is available, these mums must stay in touch with the flow of knowledge and information. This is crucial to their learning process as an individual as well as a homemaker. From the time of pragnancy, they need to gather maximum information and understanding about the possible changes that are bound to occure with the arrival of the child and afterwards. Reading literature, attending workshops and meeting other mums to discuss views, concerns and issues on parenting skills can keep them enlightened, prepared and motivated. It will help them take the whole process naturally and enthusiastically. Knowing that you have other people in the same boat and willing enough to make it an easier sail, gives you more strength and satisfaction. It’s good to be focused and well-versed with your job.
- Being Organised and Setting Targets
When you know that you are not working and have all the time to spend at home, you tend to be lazy and haphazard in your daily routine. There are days when you are too busy and when not so busy. Well, I dont suggest here any military discipline but a clean, organised routine can save much time and energy. It’s ideal to do some planning for the next day on the night before and make sure you execute it as close to the plan as possible. Exceptions are always there and inevitable. This habit not only keeps you out of stress but makes a healthy impact on your family as well. Children raised under such environment learn better and quicker. If you set desired, easy and achievable targets for every day, you, psychologically, feel accompalished and good about yourself. Your faith in your abilities and expertise consolidates.
Household routine is usually monotonous and tedious. No matter how much you love your den and spend time and effort to keep it up-to-date, you tremendously need to go out and mingle with other like-minded fellows. It is pretty impossible to keep your spirits and senses alive without reaching out to other people around. There are popular ‘coffe-mornings’, mums groups and community as well as children centres that provide healthy outlets for this purpose. These social gatherings prove to be motivating, inspiring, exciting and open up your mind for new and fresh ideas and opportunities in life. You find new friends,contacts, information and a good, healthy pastime. It also gives a chance to your children to mix up with other age fellows and develop social skills and etiquettes.
Something creative, something different from your routine is healthy and essential. Your ME-TIME is a key to your sanity. It’s like re-fueling yourself for the next run. If you know what excites and fulfills your creative, individual needs, find some time out for that and if you dont have anything established, figure out and learn some. I like running, reading, writing, sometimes painting, cooking, driving and shopping!( which is mostly a retail-therapy in that case!). My sister does it through self-grooming. She says, applying make-up, getting dressed and experimenting with different hair styles keep her thrilled! Meditation is another very effective exercise to stimulate your mind and body both. There are tailor-made techniques for every individual requirement.If there’s nothing much to do, just sit down with a cup of coffe/tea and watch your favourite movie or TV programme. It’s enough to un-wind and prepare yourself fresh and ready for the rest of the chores.
- Education, Qualification and Experience
After hobbies and interests, now its education and qualification…Are we working on a CV!? No and Yes! No is obvious because its not a CV ofcourse and Yes because it, eventually, has to do alot with your CV. Those mums who wish to go back to work at some point in time or those who have plans to start some work whenevr they get a chance, both, need to keep that gap filled and covered with something worthwile. Well, in your own time and space, you keep in touch with your subject/s of interest. Library, internet or subscription to the relevant material can be handy. You may be able to find sufficient time for short courses usually offered by the local community or children centres. Good thing is that they, most of the time, provide free or minimally charged creche service as well. You may consider to take help from a friend on such occasions. Sometimes, there are courses for general skills, knowledge and benefit. You must make an effort to grab such opportunities too. Though, your being a homemaker should be a solid and valid reason and explanation of the resultant gap on your CV but if you can also find time and chance to fill it up with some constructive learning, it would add more meaning and dimension to your skills and qualifications. Opting for a volunteer position( if your circumstances allow you easily and comfortably and not by compromising on your home and kids) is another fantastic idea. This way, you dont feel lagged behind and can keep your self- confidence and knowledge intact and up-to-date.
- Physical Exercise and Appearance
Yea, you’re right! As if the whole day drudgery isn’t enough!? I know! But, it works wonder. Your daily run around and up and down doesn’t match that structured exercise which keeps you in good health and shape. It’s about ‘feel-good’ factor. Those women who go out for work, invest time and money on their outlook while mums at home sometimes spend the whole day in pyjamas! Spare some time for exercise,may be for 10-15 minutes( ideally half an hour), push yourself to dress up and look good not only when you going out but also when you’re home. You’d be surprised and love the way your spouse and even kids get attracted to you and fancy you!
Well, working mums deal with their own demons but home-bound mums need little extra to stay in one piece. In the spin of routine life, they tend to ignore theirselves for all otherselves. Self-esteem, self-confidence and grooming are the areas they must address consciously. A happy mother makes a happy home. If you start feeling low, jaded and dissatisfied in your self, you cant build a strong family. You look after their needs and give your best tender, loving care for their comfort and well-being, so,this is absolutely fair and necessary that you feel the same for your own self. Being a mother is the hardest yet the best and the most rewarding job. You can multiply this joy by adding more fun, life and meaning to your life-style. Afterall, you are the immediate role-model for your children. They certainly need and deserve a well-aware, approachable, well-groomed, sensible and caring mother. In order to meet the needs of your family and stride with the time, you need to equip yourself with a positive and progressive mind-set. Don’t wait for a foreign aid to rescue you of your plight, take initiative, small easy steps, one at a time and work towards your goals and objectives. Persistance is the key. I’m still learning and reforming my ways. Look after yourself, that’s your right and you’re worth it!
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